Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
