The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
soo... how was my night?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
