just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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