There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
