new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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