wrigley field is MILF paradise
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
