I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
