Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
