no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
