she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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