i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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