i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
