Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
