There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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