If i come over, it means nothing
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
