There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
