you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize