i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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