yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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