Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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