New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
