Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
