I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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