So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Even my vagina gasped.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
