let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
