So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
