we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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