I love black thongs
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
