So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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