I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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