i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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