I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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