Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
