the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize