I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
