if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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