i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So many bounce houses so little time
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
