a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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