i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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