I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
