This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
