can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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