Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
