i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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