I'm going to jail i love you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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