Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize