roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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