I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize