my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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