Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
