I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize