moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
