my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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