Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
