so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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