It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
