I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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