i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
