How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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