dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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