i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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