I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
