I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
