Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
