Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
