So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
