Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
