Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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