Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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