12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
