So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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