Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
