Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My nipple is on Facebook.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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