it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
