Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize