hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
