Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
